Bear Weather Fans

    After re-watching the Packers film all week, there's only one conclusion. Well, I mean there's hundreds, most of them me screaming between bottles of whiskey demanding to know what God would allow this.     But an important one: playing Duke Shelley in meaningful snaps against Aaron Rodgers is the defensive back equivalent of submitting an application for assisted suicide. He's not fast enough to cover receivers, not good enough of a tackler to be anything but a liability in the run game, and uses the energy he should spend on diagnosing plays to instead commit costly penalties to set up easy touchdowns. He's secondary euthanasia, except usually euthanasia is attempted to be performed with dignity.     Why do we here at Bear Weather Fans call him "the only nickel who is literally worth that much"? Well, for starters—   1. Duke Shelley Doesn't Have the Speed to Cover Receivers (Or Anybody)     Here Duke Shelley, ...

    Admit it, when NFL network announced that Nagy was taking more of a hands-on role in the Bears offense, a shiver went down your spine. What kind of idiot would see an offense that leapt up in every single category the minute his hands were taken off the wheel and conclude "this is all good, but what it needs is more ME"? This is somehow worse than the visor.        And then, like a horror movie in slow motion, the monster started to rear its ugly head. Javon Wims getting meaningful snaps for some reason. Rashaad Coward being asked to do anything other than boost the confidence of pass rushers at practice. Saying goodbye to all the success off of play action passing and zone runs out of 12 personnel they've built on for the last several games to switch to 11-personnel, inside zone running, shotgun-heavy offense. Trubisky being asked to outperform Aaron fucking Rodgers with full-field reads out of shotgun.    Yes, the Bears are in the...

    You knew it was gonna happen. For a man who's so self-absorbed, who refused to give up playcalling despite running some of the best offensive weapons into the ground for the better part of two years, who so disproportionately values his own identity over objective evaluation that his mantra is literally "be you", you just knew that he couldn't sit back and let his team succeed without him. You are you, Nagy. That's the problem.       Of course Rashaad Coward saw the field against the Packers, despite not showing any skills other than "medium-budget strip club bouncer". Of course Wims saw an uptick in snaps again despite the offense's resurgence being almost entirely while he was on the bench. Of course we saw the resurgence of shotgun passes, inside zone runs, nonsensical trick plays in redzone in goal line situations that make you wonder if he even understands that their is no "style" portion of the scoring system.        ...

     Yes, the Jaguars blow. Yes, they're more interested in earning the first overall pick to trap Trevor Lawrence into their carnival of horrors of a franchise, get him hit with enough frequency to turn his rotator cuff into the ghost of Cam Newton's shoulder, and drive him into the ground before quietly taking him out back and Blackfish-ing him, as is Florida custom. Still, the Bears did what good teams should do against bad teams: beat the everloving shit out of them. Holy crap. Where to begin? The Good Second-Half Adjustments     After getting dangerously away from what the Bears offense is supposed to be now that the seemingly only sober man at Hallas Hall has taken away Nagy's keys, the Bears came out of the half utterly dismantling the Jaguars at every phase of the game. On offense, they embarrassed the Jaguars at every level of the field. Mitch took advantage of a defense that reacted to every play action with the discipline of a new COVID puppy get...

     "Great defensive play along with a few key takeaways propped up a sputtering offense in the midst of a quarterback controversy surrounding a talented-but-maligned starter and a well-known veteran from the bench" he wrote down, here on this game summary and also on the tombstone of the Chicago Bears. This is who we are. We'll be throwing out talented starters with big arms but frustrating decision-making in favor of boring journeymen backups to squander our Super Bowl-caliber defense while Green Bay trots out a seamless stream of Hall-of-Famers every decade and a half until the heat death of the universe. It's like when a soap opera thought they were going to get cancelled, only to get picked up at the last minute, so they have to quickly slap together a script for the season that ends up being all recycled content from previous seasons. This is the equivalent of a clip show episode for a Chicago Bears season. What better way to showcase a season-that-almost-wasn...

Let's see the recipients of the most coveted awards in all of sports, the weekly BWF awards ! These awards are many, nuanced, and violently, sexily prestigious. Some say winning a BWF award should result in seppuku, as there is nothing left to strive for in this life. All we can say for certain are this week's prestigious award winners, starting with— The Akiem Hicks Literal Bear Award Awarded to: Akiem Hicks. He’s so good it’s stupid. Unreal how underrated he’s been for what feels like the better part of a decade, which is like 30 in bear years. God Bless that bear man(?). The Keith Traylor Award For Excellence in a Big Man Truckin’ Awarded to: Charles Leno     Lookit those hands on Leno. Those screen passes he lined up for in 2018 are all making sense now. It was worth flushing the 2019 offense down the toilet just to catch the Giants off-guard on the long con. Also, shoutout to David Montgomery on this play, who had so much confidence in its design that he decided a play a...

 Had you turned the game off at halftime, you would've been forgiven for thinking it was a 30+ point blowout in the Bears' favor. Maybe they pulled Trubisky after the gap hit four scores and threw in Nick Foles for kicks? Hell, maybe they threw in whoever the hell was third-string QB these days. Did anybody buy Matt Barkley a seat to the game? Is David Fales still... Fales-ing? Maybe somebody knock on the door of the nursing home that cares for Todd Collins? Lord knows in 2020 an NFL field is safer than any nursing home. Damn, I need to stop drinking so much during the games if I'm gonna try to write anything cohre;jak Anyways, you'd be forgiven for stone cold soberly tuning off at halftime and thinking the Bears won in a blowout, seeing as the Bears defense shut out the Giants offense, while the Bears offense steamrolled the Giants defense, scoring 17 before the half and slapping them repeatedly with several more near-scores. Instead, inane coaching decisions and the r...